The 7 Core Issues in Adoption: Understanding the Impact on the Adoption Constellation

Adoption is often celebrated as a meaningful way to create families, but it is also layered with complexity, emotion, and lifelong impact. It is not simply a single event but an experience that continues to shape the lives of everyone involved. This group of individuals—known as the adoption constellation—includes adoptees, birth parents, adoptive parents, siblings, extended family members, and even adoption professionals such as social workers and therapists. Each of these individuals has their own unique perspective and emotional experience related to adoption, and their lives can be shaped by the core issues that come with it.

While every adoption journey is different, there are common emotional themes that tend to emerge. These are known as the seven core issues of adoption, a framework identified by Sharon Kaplan Roszia and Deborah Silverstein. By understanding these issues—loss, rejection, guilt/shame, grief, identity, intimacy, and mastery/control—we can better support those within the adoption constellation and foster greater empathy, healing, and connection.

1. Loss

Adoption begins with loss. For adoptees, it is the loss of their birth family, genetic mirroring, and original identity. Birth parents experience the loss of their child, while adoptive parents may grieve infertility or the loss of a traditional path to parenthood. Even in the healthiest adoption scenarios, this foundational loss exists and should be acknowledged and processed, rather than minimized.

2. Rejection

Loss often leads to feelings of rejection, especially for adoptees who may internalize the belief that they were "given up" because something was wrong with them. Birth parents may feel rejected by society for their decision, while adoptive parents may struggle with fears of being seen as "second choice." These feelings can show up in relationships, self-esteem, and emotional well-being.

3. Guilt and Shame

Feelings of guilt and shame often accompany the adoption experience. Adoptees may feel guilty for wanting to know more about their birth family or for struggling with their adoption story. Birth parents may carry shame over placing a child for adoption, and adoptive parents might feel guilty if their child struggles emotionally despite a loving home. Open discussions and validation can help reduce the weight of these emotions.

4. Grief

Adoption-related grief is ongoing and can resurface at different life stages. Adoptees may grieve the loss of their biological connections, birth parents may grieve missed milestones, and adoptive parents may grieve not being their child’s first family. Unlike other forms of loss, adoption-related grief can be more ambiguous, making it harder to process and recognize.

5. Identity

Identity formation is a challenge for many adoptees, particularly if they lack access to their birth history or cultural heritage. Questions like "Who am I?" or "Where do I come from?" can feel more complicated. Birth parents may also struggle with their identity as parents, and adoptive parents may navigate what it means to be a "real" parent in society’s eyes. Supporting a strong sense of self is crucial for everyone involved.

6. Intimacy and Relationships

Attachment and trust can be complex for adoptees who have experienced early separation. Fear of abandonment or rejection may impact relationships with partners, friends, and even adoptive families. Birth parents may struggle with setting boundaries, and adoptive parents may need to navigate parenting dynamics that differ from traditional expectations. Understanding these patterns can lead to healthier, more secure connections.

7. Mastery and Control

Adoption is often something that happens to a person rather than by a person, which can create issues around control. Adoptees had no say in their adoption, birth parents may have felt pressure in their decision, and adoptive parents often experience a lengthy, uncertain adoption process. Finding ways to regain a sense of control—through storytelling, personal choices, or advocacy—can be empowering.

Moving Forward with Awareness and Support

Acknowledging these seven core issues does not mean adoption is inherently negative or that individuals experiencing these concerns are dysfunctional. According to the authors of the book Seven Core Issues In Adoption and Permanency, these are “expected issues that evolve logically out of the nature of adoption and permanency”. Rather, having awareness and recognition allows space for the full range of emotions that come with it. Adoption is not just about creating families; it’s about navigating relationships, emotions, and identity in a way that honors the experiences of everyone involved.

For adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents, healing starts with awareness. By acknowledging loss, validating feelings of rejection, addressing guilt and grief, and supporting identity and relationships, those in the adoption constellation can move forward with greater understanding and resilience.

My goal as a therapist is to create a safe and supportive space where adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents can explore these issues, process emotions, and develop coping strategies. Adoption is complex, but with awareness and understanding, healing and growth are possible. If you or someone you love is navigating adoption-related challenges, therapy can be a valuable resource. You don’t have to navigate this journey alone.

The 7 Core Issues of Adoption and Permanency