7 Ways to Know If Your Therapist Is A Good Fit
So you’ve taken the plunge and you’ve started attending therapy. Now how do you know if a therapist is a good fit? A therapist isn’t necessarily One Size Fits All. What’s right for one person may not be right for you. Sometimes it requires some shopping around. Here’s some things to keep in mind.
You should feel comfortable with your therapist. It may take a few sessions to open up to your therapist, but eventually you should feel comfortable enough to share intimate details of your life. You want to have a connection with your therapist.
Your therapist should be supportive and nonjudgmental. Your therapist should help create an environment that encourages you to be open, where you don’t feel shamed about your feelings and actions, even when you’ve made mistakes.
You might get challenged by your therapist. While a therapist should be supportive and nonjudgmental, they should also challenge you. They might help you recognize some difficult or uncomfortable truths about yourself, or they might push you a little bit past your comfort zone.
A good therapist has strong boundaries. If your therapist is frequently late, overshares about their personal life, cancels appointments on a regular basis, doesn’t enforce stated policies (such as no-show fees), or blurs professional boundaries, then these could be red flags.
They don’t give you advice. Believe it or not, a therapist’s job is not to tell you what to do, but rather to help guide you towards your own path and decisions. They can help you do this by working on things such as decision-making skills and healthier thought patterns, increasing self-awareness and personal insight, and resolving core issues.
They respond well to your concerns about the therapeutic relationship. It is paramount that you are able to speak up about any issues that arise during the course of therapy, especially if those issues may interfere with the process. For example, if you feel like your goals aren’t being met, if you have a concern about your therapist (Therapists make mistakes! They’re only human!), if you want to change the direction of therapy… these are all things you can voice to your therapist and your therapist should respond openly and respectfully. You may be able to resolve an issue together which can strengthen the therapeutic relationship, or it may be collectively determined that the relationship isn’t a good fit. Or, if the therapist responds defensively, then you may come to realize on your own that they aren’t the right one for you.
Your therapist should respect your values and identity. It is likely that you and your therapist have some different beliefs, as any two people do, but a therapist is trained to leave their values outside of the therapy room. A therapist should be affirming of your religion, sexuality, gender, politics, relationship status, etc. and your therapy should likely take into account your own values.
While it is important to feel that your therapist is a good fit for you, it is also equally important to make sure your expectations are realistic. Therapy is not magic, and it does require a lot of work, vulnerability, and patience. Before you switch therapists, consider discussing any issues with them directly (as discussed above). Some people may “therapist hop” as a way to avoid getting to deeper issues, so doing some soul-searching and/or talking to your therapist first may be helpful in making the best decision for you.
